I rescued Lemmiwinks (Lemmi for short) from a girl who wasn't taking care of her properly about a year and a half ago. Lemmi was two years old at the time. At this point, I was living 150 miles away from home up at college, it was my first semester and I was desperately lonely. Lemmi became my best friend. Even though pets weren't allowed in the dorms, I smuggled her in and she became my roommate's and I's "dirty little secret". She was constantly loved by myself, my roommate, and all of our friends. Word spread, and people would come to our room just to see and pet Lemmi. She loved the attention, and was always ready to lick anyone who was willing to pick her up.
I moved rooms the next semester, in a new dorm building. My new roommate was just as excited with Lemmi as I was, except this time we were found out about two months into the semester. An RA had come too far into the room, saw her cage, and told the hall directors.
They tried to take Lemmi away from me, but I used my network of friends and brothers in my fraternity to hide her from room to room until the hall directors gave up looking for her. At this point, she was known around campus as "Anne Frank".
Then... only a month ago... she was almost four years old at that point... I noticed that she had a tumor on her groin, right by her right hind leg. It doubled in size in a matter of days, then tripled, then quadrupled. A second one popped up on her belly. She started to neglect her food - usually she would either eat or hide the food I'd give her, but not now. It would just sit in her bowl.
She was still happy, she'd still scamper, she'd still taste anything that I was eating. The tumors were getting noticeably larger with every passing day and I knew that if I let them ulcerate I would hate myself for letting her go through that pain.
I made an appointment with a vet to put her down. And last Friday, January 29th, 2010, my beautiful Lemmiwinks left this world.
Later that night, I wrote this about the incident:
"I gave the lady at the desk my money, making sure the cloth was in my pocket. My little girl was in the crook of my arm, and I shifted her to my hands as I took a seat to wait. He hung to the side like a shadow, watching over me as I pet my baby.
The nurse came all too soon, beckoning me to the examining room. Chris followed me, and as soon as the door closed the tears came harder. I forced myself to keep my voice even, and begged the nurse.
"Is there any way I can hold her?"
"It... there's no oxygen tank in here, I highly doubt it."
"Can I just be with her?"
"Let me go ask the vet..."
She disappeared through the back door, and I held my baby tight to me, petting her to try and calm both of us. Quickly she came back, with the vet in tow.
"I really don't think you want to do this."
"I do."
"They have a tendency to struggle. We just want to do what's best for you."
"I know - she won't struggle as much if I'm there. Please. Please let me hold her."
"I will have the nurse hold her while we inject her, then you can take her from there."
I sighed in relief, "Okay, that's fine."
The nurse took her gently from me, stretching her out so her belly - and both tumors - were clearly visible. She squeaked once, upset that this stranger was handling her, but I reached out to pet her head and she went still. In one motion, the silver shaft of the needle entered her belly and the strange blue liquid was injected.
They handed me to her immediately and she went still, her eyes going unfocused. Somehow I sank to the padded bench behind me, cuddling her in my lap as she slowly passed away. I told her how good of a girl she was, how good she had been for the doctors, how much I loved her, how she was the best little girl anyone could ever have. The nurse left, but the doctor stayed, and I like to think that she had tears in her eyes as I mourned my baby slowly leaving this earth in my hands.
"I love you, Lemmi, you were the best little rattie I could have ever had. I will never forget you, I love you, it's okay... it'll be okay..."
Her whiskers stilled and the doctor pressed a stethoscope to her belly.
"She's almost gone," she told me, "her mind is gone, but her heart hasn't stopped yet."
I knew that, I could feel her heart beat slowing with each passing minute. A minute later, it was done.
I stood, thanked the vet, and gave her to Chris as I pulled the green shimmering cloth from my pocket. The doctor told me I could stay as long as I needed, and the minute she exited I let out a shaking sob that couldn't remember ever making before.
Chris lay her on the cloth and I cupped her in my hands, kissing her one last time and wrapping her up. We placed her in a box and Chris held her in the box all the way to Dauphin.
When I gave her to the amazingly friendly lady and sat back in the car, I knew it was really over. The scream that gasped past my lips made me want to vomit, but I swallowed the taste of bile and turned on the GPS to go home.
I would pick her up tomorrow, in the sparkly pink and silver box decorated with cherry blossoms with her name in silver lettering on the top, made to capture her cheerful and loving demeanor.
I will see you again, my beautiful Lemmiwinks. "
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