Goodbye little Zara, we love you

[rick_s]

Hi there,
Thanks for providing such a lovely place to help share some of the terrible greif and emptyness we are feeling now.

Yesterday we lost our 1 and only Rat, a lovely little Girl, Zara who was born on 15th October 2007 and passed away in my arms at 15:15pm 8th March 2010. Almost 2yrs and 5 mths.
I'm finding it particluary hard, as I was off work yesterday and Julia (mummy) whose Rat it was for Xmas all those years ago was at work.

I'd came home from shopping at about 14:00pm. I'd dropped milk all over the kitchen floor and it took me 30 mins to clean it up.
I then went upstairs to check on my little princess (shes been unwell, see below) and found her lying on her side in the corner of the room, her legs were limp, her head down, colour drained from her ears. She was literally gasping for breath. No movement of whiskas or little nose.
I scooped her up into my arms straight away and began to encourage her and kiss her while i phoned the vets.
I drove down there with her on my lap, contantly stroking her and encouraging her.
Then the remarkable started to happen, she slowly began fighting back to life, she lifted her head, moved her front paws and crawled onto the favoutrite place she liked on my leg.
I phoned Julia at work and put her on speakers through the car stereo, when Zara heard her mummys voice she lifted her little ears up and began to visibly breath again - like she was fighting to stay with us.

By the time i'd got to the vets she was breathing again, and was even moving her little head around,her wiskas were even moving again and she even managed to turn her whole body around whilst I held in on my arm. I was so proud of my brave little princess.

When i told the vet what i'd found, he said was was cleary dying and that i'd given her the encouragement and will to live - especially when she heard mummys voice on the phone and her ears picked up.
I was recommened to have her put to sleep, as although she'd got better on the journey, it was only prolonging the inevitable as she wasn't able to breath properly now without constant nebulisation (shes been through enough as your see further down)
I agreed, it was done, and she was given back to me, where she died a few minutes later in my hands, whilst i kissed her and whispered in her ears. I watched as her little heart stopped beating at 15:15 on the dot.

I just can't control the guilt I feel, knowing now that whilst I spent all that time cleaning up that milk, my little princess was dying upstairs. If only i'd have gone straight to see her when I got home,maybe i could have done something.
Also I can't understand why she was coming back to life ? Maybe she didn't need to be put to sleep.
I feel bad also because I took this decsion whilst her mummy was at work and couldn't kiss her goodbye.

Zara had respiratory problems all her life and had frequent courses of antibotics - all helped her, but it always reappeared.
She also had 2 lumps the size of golfballs removed when she was 2yrs old (oct 2009), bounced back like nothing happend, only to grow another one, which was removed successfully in January 2010. Again she made a full recovery and it was a joy to see her running free from these constraints.
Her last few months however she was breathing very quickly and had to rest more and more.
She was on several medications, but although this sounds sad and poorly........ She was as bright and cheeky as ever, even up untill her last day.

I want to end this story with the good points though, because even after everthing i've written above, Zara was a lively, cheeky little explorer, full of life and unconditional love for us both, bright up to her very last day.
We don't beleive her quality of life suffered because she was so bright and friendly right up untill the end.
Thats why her death is a big shock to us.
She was a freeranger, who had several cosy dens and her own room.
She spent hours with us every day without fail for 2yrs 5mths
It was such a joy to see her exploring the house, finding new places, carrying little treasures she'd found back to her den.
The bond she had with Julia was so lovely, she'd go running up to her everyday she came home from work and jump on her lap.
She was so clever
Zara was fed fresh food with us everyday, always sharing what we had.

I firmly believe that her brightness and cleverness and bond with us all came from here great quality of life she enjoyed.
I beleive thats why she came through 2 major operations, battled her illness for so long, and even when she was taking her dying breath's she managed to find some strength from somewhere to fight on a bit longer - for one last cuddle, or to be with her Mummy and Daddy again.

I'm so greatfull of all the joy and happyness she brought us over the years. It was my first Rat and I can honestly say she exceeded all expectations and was truely our best friend.

Goodbye brave little one, i'll never forget you, for the kindness and gentleness you showed us everyday, for the trust you showed in us

R.I.P Little Zara, Mommy and Daddy love you.

thanks for reading, sorry to have gone on so long, but I think its helped get it off my chest, especially the guilt I feel.

[rick_s]

some little pics of Zara exploring and resting with her mummy

[Ratastic]

I'm so sorry for your loss. She was beautiful.

[jasugar]

This story both broke my heart and warmed it. What a sweet little girl you were blessed with! She seems to be blessed as well. RIP.

[AMJ087]

So sorry for your loss. RIP

[skpb]

I'm starting to feel like it will always be hard, and that there will always be a little bit of guilt involved... I (mama) felt terrible guilt being away on business when we lost our first little girl. But, I figure that's the weight we bear to have the little bruxers around, hmm? They've enriched our lives, the cheeky buggers. I'm sure yours have done/are doing the same. Hang in there.

[Jaguar]

Sorry for your loss.  Even though you may have wanted her around for even just a while longer, you did what was best for her.  She's in a better place now, with no sickness, problems, or pain. 

[rick_s]

Thank you all so much for your wishes and words.

Although the pain is still hard for us to bear, it has certainly helped being able to write this down and read other peoples experiences on this forum who have also been touched and had their hearts melted by these magical little wonders.

I still have the sense of loss and helplessness and i'm finding it very difficuly to forget or stop thinking about what was happening to my little Zara that time I found here there.
How long had see been there ? What was she trying to do or where was she trying to go ? I hope she wasn't hurt.

But I'm seeing now the positive side of it all.
Yes she was laying limp, barely breathing when I found her, but for her to come back to life when I comforted her and encouraged her just shows she was such a brave little fighter and she obviously loved her daddy and mummy to make that one last big effort for them.

So you see she wasn't alone at the end after all. She fought back and held on, enough to hear soft words and feel kisses to her face and stokes behind her ears again.
She even recognised her mummys voice on the phone and listened because her little ears pricked up at the voice.

Really then we were quite lucky to say goodbye to our little princess and comfort her. She was in no stress or pain and felt our love right untill the end, in my arms.

We buried her in the garden yesterday, in a lovely little box with some yogurt treats, a letter from us both and her favourite cosy hammock. We put flowers down and read a poem.

She still lives in memories we have of her, it brings a smile to my face right now thinking of all the magical times we shared together - the funnyness and laughter she brought to our lives will live on forever.

Someone told me once you never forget your first Rat, I guess you won't forget any of them, they are so wonderfull.
But all I can say is wow, i feel blessed to have shared the life of such an amazing little animal.
To feel the love and freindship of such an intelligent being, so trusting and forgiving, and brave right till the end.

Its priceless and I do feel blessed to have had the opportunity to be part of Zara's life.

I just want to say thankyou to Zara's mummy, the wonderfull Julia, for taming and raising such a lovely friend- it was quite a journey, and showing me just what she meant about how amazing these little wonders really are.

So heres to all our little friends past and present and to my little Zara, my first Rat.
Thank you so much, Your memory will live on with us forever.