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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we fight a lot. But I can't stay away from him I love him so much but something that seriously bothers me is that he will say to me :"you're so weird with animals, you need to stop you're obsessive & weird with them" I tell him I just love all animals a lot how is love bad? And he says more stupid things and then says he doesn't care if he hurts my feelings because everything hurts my feelings. He yells at me for wanting to give a good life for my new rats. He says you're going way too far all they need is a tank their just rats, they're disgusting. He also says if we live together in a few years he wouldn't let the animals on the furniture. My animals are my friends.. I grew up with the dogs and cats always allowed on our couches and beds. I sleep snuggled up with my big puppy tug every night. I love him so much but this really makes me feel mad and awful. I'm so passionate about animals because they are EQUAL to humans, and so many people dont treat them that way, but I will my whole life
 

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Well that doesn't sound like a very good relationship. From what you said it doesn't sound like he is very good boyfriend material no matter how much you love him. I am not intending to be mean I am just expressing my opinion based on the info you provided. My boyfriend doesn't see animals in the same light that I do but he dose understand that my pets are my children and that I love them just as much as I would love a human child if I had one. Currently I only have my two rats but I may get more animals when I get into a situation that allows it. I do understand your boyfriend's view of not having the animals on the furniture, I just don't want hair on everything. Regardless he should be able to compromise like I did with my family when I had my cats. Everyone knows that cats do as they please but with encouragement you can convince them to do as they please where you want them to like go only in the litter box. My dad didn't like having hair all over the couch so I got a blanket that the cats loved to lay on and placed it over the spot of the couch they liked. This worked well since the cats only laid on their blanket because they knew it was their spot and their hair stayed on the blanket instead of the couch. Your boyfriend should respect your view even if he dose not agree with it, that is just part of being in any relationship. You two should be able to find compromises such as a blanket or sheet when ever you invite the animals onto the furniture. Animals can be taught to only go somewhere when invited. An example of this is my Nana's big dogs are taught to stay out of her room because they are not supposed to cross a 2x4 across the door way. One of them would disobey but only during severe storms because he was afraid and wanted his mom just like a child.

Sorry if this is a bit long.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you so much and that compromising is a really good idea.. I just feel like he hates animals he won't pet his dog he pushes her away if she comes near him and he has kicked my dog before(not hard but still), but doggy is big and full of energy and he jumps on him because he won't pet him. I just hope maybe he will get used to them more and stop being so mean to me for loving them. At least he takes care of his dog she just annoys him. He wanted me to buy him two hamsters for his birthday, maybe if he has his own pets he will like animals more? I just don't want to be with someone who thinks animals arent important and don't need love
 

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He sounds abusive to animals. Kicking dogs is never acceptable. A man who loses his temper to animals will lose that temper on you...violently.


I was in a relationship with a man I loved and still love. But I learned love is not enough. It's the worse lesson I've learned as an adult. If you guys can't make it before you even live together you won't make it together.

Don't buy him creatures to mistreat as that will be on you. Run fast.
 

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I understand what you are saying. It sound like your boyfriend needs to learn how to speak dog. He needs to watch that show with that dog whisperer guy and learn how to tell the dog to leave him alone with out even touching the dog. I did it with my friend's dog who was very excited and kept bothering me. I like dogs but I was done petting her and just wanted her to go lay down. I just changed by body language to like alright I am down go away like an alpha or higher ranking dog would do and she went right back to my friend with this look like "Mom, is she allowed to do that?" She didn't bother me any more although I can't say the same for my boyfriend who didn't do the something as i told him too. He was to caught up in his game and it doesn't work unless you do it yourself.
 

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Love does not make a relationship last. And really, if you 'fight a lot' but 'can't stay away from each other', you're likely doomed already. Hallmarks of an immature relationship, usually not realized (or admitted) until you're already entrenched in chaos at the very end of it, at about the 2-3 year mark.

Powerful passions eventually die off, and then you're left wondering why you were ever with that person in the first place. Powerful passion is what ends relationships, not what extends them. It's a false sense of security.

One thing to always remember is that yes, the divorce rat is about 50%... but that speaks nothing of the relationships people usually end up going through before they get to the marriage phase. MOST of them end.

There are literally billions of other fish in the sea. Is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with? Is this the kind of person you'd want to make a home with? Is this the person you want to have children with, and to help you raise and teach your children? How about when they're loud or messy or demanding attention? Never think you can change a person to be who you want them to be if they aren't already who you want, not only is it impossible, they usually just aren't worth it. The way someone treats animals is very highly indicative of how they treat (or will) treat other people, and even if you manage to somehow change the outward manifestations, you aren't going to change what's going on in his mind, just what he does in your presence.

One thing to learn as early as possible is that love (as in the fresh, early 'in love' love) is a chemical reaction based on your reaction to someone's genetic makeup (which you're subconsciously sniffing out when you're close and when you're kissing, to determine genetic suitability for the sake of baby makin'), not some paranormal manifestation of spirituality that's necessarily going to last forever. True love usually starts the same way as any other relationship, but you won't know it's really real or not until the butterflies wear off and reality sets in, and you can still love them regardless of how insane they make you. And even that doesn't always last.

People usually don't like listening to this stuff though because they don't like to remember that they, too, are animals, all full of biology and chemistry and instincts they don't understand. I think if more people were able to realize and accept this stuff earlier on in life (or in a lot of cases EVER AT ALL), the divorce rates would probably drop significantly (mostly due to people not rushing into a marriage before they know what they're getting into).

Science!
http://people.howstuffworks.com/love1.htm
 

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Love does not make a relationship last. And really, if you 'fight a lot' but 'can't stay away from each other', you're likely doomed already. Hallmarks of an immature relationship, usually not realized (or admitted) until you're already entrenched in chaos at the very end of it, at about the 2-3 year mark.

Powerful passions eventually die off, and then you're left wondering why you were ever with that person in the first place. Powerful passion is what ends relationships, not what extends them. It's a false sense of security.

One thing to always remember is that yes, the divorce rat is about 50%... but that speaks nothing of the relationships people usually end up going through before they get to the marriage phase. MOST of them end.

There are literally billions of other fish in the sea. Is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with? Is this the kind of person you'd want to make a home with? Is this the person you want to have children with, and to help you raise and teach your children? How about when they're loud or messy or demanding attention? Never think you can change a person to be who you want them to be if they aren't already who you want, not only is it impossible, they usually just aren't worth it. The way someone treats animals is very highly indicative of how they treat (or will) treat other people, and even if you manage to somehow change the outward manifestations, you aren't going to change what's going on in his mind, just what he does in your presence.

One thing to learn as early as possible is that love (as in the fresh, early 'in love' love) is a chemical reaction based on your reaction to someone's genetic makeup (which you're subconsciously sniffing out when you're close and when you're kissing, to determine genetic suitability for the sake of baby makin'), not some paranormal manifestation of spirituality that's necessarily going to last forever. True love usually starts the same way as any other relationship, but you won't know it's really real or not until the butterflies wear off and reality sets in, and you can still love them regardless of how insane they make you. And even that doesn't always last.

People usually don't like listening to this stuff though because they don't like to remember that they, too, are animals, all full of biology and chemistry and instincts they don't understand. I think if more people were able to realize and accept this stuff earlier on in life (or in a lot of cases EVER AT ALL), the divorce rates would probably drop significantly (mostly due to people not rushing into a marriage before they know what they're getting into).

Science!
http://people.howstuffworks.com/love1.htm
I absolutely love science!
 

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He sounds abusive to animals. Kicking dogs is never acceptable. A man who loses his temper to animals will lose that temper on you...violently.


I was in a relationship with a man I loved and still love. But I learned love is not enough. It's the worse lesson I've learned as an adult. If you guys can't make it before you even live together you won't make it together.

Don't buy him creatures to mistreat as that will be on you. Run fast.
He really does sound like he has no empathy for animals. I bet he wouldn't care if they were in an old aquarium tank that hasn't been cleaned for a month and they weren't litter trained. He could do something mean to them when you're not looking. Rats require very attentive care to live good lives and I think that everybody should respect that. I agree with you on this one.
 

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Just a thought, maybe people should try to talk to the op instead of sitting back saying "he's horrible" "he's going to end up doing that to you". I don't disagree with these comments at all, but coming from a person whose been in that abusive relationship, comments like these do NOT help. They push the person away from everyone that much more.


Sent from Petguide.com Free App
 

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Me and my fiancé fight over my rats sometimes, because he reckons I love them more then I love him, but not to the level you and partner do, if you have a passion for animals and your partner doesn't respect that you need to have a good think about what you want to do, I am not going to say leave him because its a lot harder then it sounds I know! But you have an amazing love and passion and caring aspect to you, it's something you should be proud of and he needs to learn to appreciate that because its an amazing quality to have, don't change the way you are for any one, especially something as perfect as that
 

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So I only read what you've said and haven't taken the time to read everyone else's comments on it.

Not to get off topic but I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years (off and on). He is accepting of my animal love but isn't always as invested as I am. I completely understand that and I'm thankful for his support. Unfortunately being in college we hardly see each other and he made the mistake of getting high and cheating on me. Now i'm not saying that to distract from your post. I'm saying that because I've taken a huge step back and have been thinking about all that we've been through and what's truly worth it. I think all this happened because I didn't have self respect for myself and I let him get away with too much. I also was afraid to be alone and that held me back. He says he's incredibly sorry about what happened but it's still a huge slap in the face and now I'm on the fence.

Now saying that I want to say one thing. I've now realized how much more is out there in life. I'm 21 and since I was 16 I've been in love with this one guy. And now all this is taken into perspective for me. Never give up who you are because of someone else. And animals being a big part of your life means if he can't accept that he should be out the door. Trust me I know how hard it is to let go because I'm in your shoes. But if it's been a year and a half and he hasn't changed or insists that you not be so into your animals. I say you should kick him to the curb. Mostly because unless they want to accept the world they live in they'll always think they're better. And I find that people who think they're better than other critters aren't worth my time.

So take it from me, I've been going through heart breaks with the same guy and he is a good guy he cares about animals and he seems to care about me. But sometimes two people don't work together. And that's what i'm trying to decide but if I were in your shoes and someone told me my pet were disgusting I wouldn't even bother to let them finish. And I know that's not what you want to hear because you are in love with him but if he won't treat your animals equal now, you'll be miserable if you stay and he doesn't change. And the worse thing that could happen is that he kills one of your babies or hurts you while you try to protect them. People who don't have a heart for animals don't stick around long for me. I feel the way you treat someone you think is below you says who you are as a person.

There's someone out there who has the same view as you that will make you and your animals feel on top of the world. I know I'm planning to dedicate my life to my feel species and I'll do it with someone or on my own.

PS - I hope I made my point clear and didn't sound like I was turning things on myself! Just wanted to say that I understand the not wanting to let go.
 

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Love does not make a relationship last. And really, if you 'fight a lot' but 'can't stay away from each other', you're likely doomed already. Hallmarks of an immature relationship, usually not realized (or admitted) until you're already entrenched in chaos at the very end of it, at about the 2-3 year mark.

Powerful passions eventually die off, and then you're left wondering why you were ever with that person in the first place. Powerful passion is what ends relationships, not what extends them. It's a false sense of security.

One thing to always remember is that yes, the divorce rat is about 50%... but that speaks nothing of the relationships people usually end up going through before they get to the marriage phase. MOST of them end.

There are literally billions of other fish in the sea. Is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with? Is this the kind of person you'd want to make a home with? Is this the person you want to have children with, and to help you raise and teach your children? How about when they're loud or messy or demanding attention? Never think you can change a person to be who you want them to be if they aren't already who you want, not only is it impossible, they usually just aren't worth it. The way someone treats animals is very highly indicative of how they treat (or will) treat other people, and even if you manage to somehow change the outward manifestations, you aren't going to change what's going on in his mind, just what he does in your presence.

One thing to learn as early as possible is that love (as in the fresh, early 'in love' love) is a chemical reaction based on your reaction to someone's genetic makeup (which you're subconsciously sniffing out when you're close and when you're kissing, to determine genetic suitability for the sake of baby makin'), not some paranormal manifestation of spirituality that's necessarily going to last forever. True love usually starts the same way as any other relationship, but you won't know it's really real or not until the butterflies wear off and reality sets in, and you can still love them regardless of how insane they make you. And even that doesn't always last.

People usually don't like listening to this stuff though because they don't like to remember that they, too, are animals, all full of biology and chemistry and instincts they don't understand. I think if more people were able to realize and accept this stuff earlier on in life (or in a lot of cases EVER AT ALL), the divorce rates would probably drop significantly (mostly due to people not rushing into a marriage before they know what they're getting into).

Science!
http://people.howstuffworks.com/love1.htm
I love what you said :D
 

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So I don't want to copy what all the others are saying....buuuut, honestly be with someone who accepts your passion. They don't have to love your passion, but they MUST accept it. I suppose you will want to be married some day. You definitely would want someone who treats the rats like family, as you do. Right? Stop wasting time with him. There are plenty of good guys that love rats. The question is.....what now? What are you going to do?
 

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You should always be with someone who defends your passion fiercely. They may not always share it but they should defend it because you're a part of them as much as the animals (in your case) are a part of you. when I met my fiancee Ria, she was open about loving animals but not so keen on having them. I myself (my family call me the crazy cat lady as I cant pass a cat without giving it a treat WHICH I carry in my bag haha) have been mad on animals since I was little. We started off by getting our original 3 rats.. then the 2 cats... then my hamster.. then my 4ft tropical fish tank and now we're building a huge grotto in our spare room for more rat babies.. She loves animals and would never hurt them but at the same time, she doesn't really want the responsibility. But from her love for me, she invests herself in my passion, splits the money, the responsibility, the cleaning duties and in her own words "enjoys seeings the smile on my face when I make an animal happy". Thats what a partner should be like. He should try for YOU.
 

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Yes, yes, yes - to all the advice already given.

You DESERVE someone better. Someone who, even if they don't have the same passions and interests you do, supports you and does not put you down for the things you care about. Someone who genuinely loves you for who you are will never purposely try to make you feel bad about yourself in any way. Anything less is not love.

This is why they say love is blind, because being in love allows us to overlook the other person's faults, no matter how big. And faults are ok - we're all human. Simply put, your boyfriend does not sound like a kind, compassionate person - and you ARE! You can hope that he will change, but that's typically unrealistic. And you can't make anyone change no matter how hard you try. Change has to come from within.

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years now, married for 8 of those years. Sure we've had arguments - that's normal! We've had some pretty passionate fights too. But in all that time, he has never once put me down, purposely tried to hurt my feelings, or denigrated me in any way. He supports my passions with enthusiasm, even if he is not at all interested in what I'm doing. People tell me I'm lucky to have him (and I agree!) but the reality is that we have the same principles, we get along, we are considerate and respectful of one another, and we both refuse to tolerate anything less in a partner. These things are essential for happiness in a relationship, because what you allow is what will continue.

With all that said, I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
 
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