[Emster]

??/??/07 - 16/01/08.

Over the past few days Dotty incision started to get scab like things on it. Turns out that she had a abscess under her arm and all along the incision was full of pus. Also a bit further up from the incision she had a blue patch - which could've possibly been poisoning from the abscess.

I have just taken her to the vets and she said that altho she could up the antibotics, she couldn't be sure whether it'd work. I would've also had bathe and squeeze the pus out along her abscess under her arm, which I knew I'd never be able to do - I feel like such a bad rattie owner - as she wasn't all that keen on being handled properly and restrained.
Altho she wasn't ready to go, I knew it was her time. Especially as I knew that I couldn't provide full aftercare for her and in the end the abscess under her arm could may have well gotten worse and I didn't want to see her slide downhill so quickly.

I love that little girl so much. I'm so sorry that it was before her time to go, I did it with all the best intentions for her I hope she can forgive me
I know Roxy and Doris are going to miss her so much, as I will and am. My poor baby had been through so much.

I love you Dotty. I did all the best I could for you. You're going to be so much more than missed.Please forgive me

She's gone forever and I can't believe it

 

[crapola]

i'm so sorry for your loss

 

[lucie]

I was just reading about Dotty in the other thread about her tumor.
I'm so sorry she died
she was a gorgeous rat, I hope you're ok.
Lucy
xx

 

[Emster]

Thanks crapola. And Lucie.

I can't believe how much it hurts

I forgot to mention in my above post that the vet also said she might've had to have surgery again (It hasn't even been 2 weeks since she had her tumour removed, so I didn't want her operated on again so soon).
The abscess under her arm also did look really nasty and in the end she most probably would've had to been put to sleep and I just didn't want to upset her and stress her out even more.
Please don't think I just put her down as I couldn't/be bothered to look after her properly, these last few weeks she has been my number one priority.
She also squeaked at me as the nurse took her from my shoulder - whenever I think about this, it brings tears to my eyes. I just hope/know that my girl has it in her heart to forgive me and in the end I did it for her, to let her finally have some peace in her life

 

[xkatex]

Dont beat yourself up for letting her go. It shows that you are a very responsible owner and care so much about your rat. You knew in your heart that you couldnt take care of her during the after math and in letting her go you did the right thing. ...im so sorry for your loss, ive never lost a rat before but my dog got hit by a car a little over a week ago...I know the pain.

 

[lilspaz68]

You did the right thing with Dotty...if she was developing a bad infection while already on abs, it would've been a poor prognosis for her and she might have suffered it you hadn't made that decision.

She doesn't think you let her down, don't worry. She's probably thanking you right now for loving her enough to make that decision for her. Our rats will to live is almost too strong for their frail bodies and she would probably have lingered if you had left her.

((hugs))

 

[ration1802]

I'm so sorry

 

[Emster]

Thanks for everyone's replies

I'm still so heartbroken about Dotty, but it's starting to become abit easier. I keep on regretting not bringing her home and at least TRY to help her, but as I said, I knew that she'd end up being stressed and unhappy and in the end may have to have been put to sleep anyway.

Lilspaz - Thanks so much for your kind words. They've made me feel abit better about things. Everytime I read the last paragraph it doesn't fail to bring tears to my eyes tho.

Doris and Roxy seem okay at the moment. I gave the cage a good cleaning out earlier, chucked some of their beds away and gave them fresh new ones, apart from the fact it upset me to look in the cage and see all those things and no Dotty, I don't want them getting to upset or depressed being able to smell her but her not actually being there.

 

[OnlyOno]

a lot of times it is better to let them go, even when they still have bright eyes and are full of spunk, if you know that she will feel like a living **** in the next week or more. i'm sure that she knows that you spared her a miserable end, where PTS was a release from her pain and suffering, and instead it was a peaceful end to a good book.

you are a wonderful rat parent for helping her through all her rough patches recently, and i'm sure dotty is smiling in her little way at you. i hope you feel better soon, you still have doris and roxy to look after! *hugs* they need you to be strong for them too.

 

[Emster]

Thank you everyone for your warm replies, it's really nice to know that people care and understand

The cage just seems so empty without Dotty, she really was the life and soul - Or maybe Roxy and Doris are just grieving

I really wished that I had brought her body home with me - I left it at the vets, as I was way to upset at the time to handle having her little empty body in the car with me. The only excuse that I can think of to make myself feel better is that it would just be an empty shell, the Dotty that I knew and loved would no longer be there or in it - and buried it in her favourite flowerpot in the garden

We'll (Myself, Doris and Roxy) will love you forever Dotty. We all miss you so much. I hope you're happier at the rainbow bridge and I hope Gabrielle and the baby that you lost are there waiting for you <3

 

[rattieluver]

You did the right thing! I'm really sorry that you and your girls are going through so much pain and I know how ever many times people tell you, you still have to figure this out for your self but I'll say it anyways. You did not let your baby down by doing this, it was her time to go and as her mommy you knew that. Dotty, like all rats, had to much life, spirit, and fun in her than her body could keep up with and it's not your fault her life was cut short. I know how you feel, I had to put down my very first girl after her tumor was to large for her to live with and it took me a long time to get over it and quit beating myself up. You and your girls will feel better! So don't lose hope, by no means will you forget her, you will just learn to ecxept she is now playing at the bridge waiting for you all and until the day comes that you see each other again you will just have to remember the good times with her!