I've put off making this post in attempt to try and deal with grief. But no matter what I do I can't get Olive off my mind. Olive was one of my first 3 rats I ever owned. I got her May 13th at 8 weeks old with 2 others. Her original name was Ollie as I was an inexperienced owner and trusted the rescue when they said all 3 were males. She was female where the others were males. It was an immediate bond when I first met her and she climbed right on my shoulder and I just cuddled and held her and gave her so much love. On June 15th she gave birth to 9 beautiful little babies. 5 girls and 4 boys. We found the babies the next day on the 16th and found out she was female. But because of how we didn't find the babies sooner she got pregnant again before being separated on the 16th. We didn't know she was pregnant again because we thought that she'd be with her babies and not Milo and Casper. She was pregnant with 7 babies. During her pregnancy the babies died in her womb. It caused an infection. On July 10th when I was out of state at my grandparents, my mom who loves my rats just as much as me was taking care of them. (I'm in high school and still live with them) She noticed something was up with Olive because the babies had been peeing on her and she wasn't taking care of herself or cleaning herself. She took her to the vet. She stayed overnight. I was completely unknowing of what was going on. At the vet they did tests and attempted an ultrasound. On July 11th They operated to get the babies out. She survived her surgery. It took so much out of her though and she didn't make it. She passed July 11th at 1:45 PM. My mom was so happy when she made it out of surgery because she wouldn't have to make a horrible call to me. But when she got the call that she sadly passed it broke her heart. She texted me that I needed to call her. I did so and she told me the news. I immediately started sobbing and thinking of all the things I could have done to prevent it. I thought it was my fault and I was so upset. I'm still missing her so much and so terribly upset about her passing. These past few weeks have been the worst. Filled with sobbing, headaches, and just hating the world. My mom constantly reminds me of how her babies were a gift to us and will always be here for me. I just miss her so much... I can't believe she's gone. It just hurts so bad. She was so young... She was only 16 weeks (4 months old) it kills me that she's not able to be there for her babies maturing and growing and aging. I just miss her so much. I'll forever miss her. I only knew her for 8 weeks but she forever changed my life. Rest In Peace My Loving Sweet Baby Olive 7.11.18. "When tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here inside your heart."