Rat Forum banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
368 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm not quite sure where to start with this, or how to word it, but it's something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I've mentioned before that I currently have two boys... but before this I had two girls and one foster girl. I feel like the connection I had with my girls is absent with my boys I have now. That's not to say I don't love them, because I do. It's hard to describe. With the girls I felt like us humans were included in the pack. Not only my boyfriend and I, but they immediately loved any human they met. And I understand that every rat is different, but it was that kind of relationship where I felt like I was one of them, and I also think they felt that they were one of "us" (boyfriend and I) as well. Personalities aside, we were all connected and together. Quite frankly, I miss that. While, as I've said above, I love my boys I have now...there's something missing. A certain quality.

I don't want to ramble, but does anyone know what I mean? How do I mentally move on from this? I don't let this hinder my relationship with them but I also know it's not fair to think this way, or is it...argh I just don't know!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
437 Posts
There are a lot of factors that could be in play here.
First of all i'm sure you still miss your female rats, they sounded like a wonderful part of your life, moving on from that and forming that bond with other rats can sometimes seem strange, especially as most rats differ in their personalities.
Secondly, males and female sometimes display different behaviours, perhaps your female rats would engage you in play more? Male rats often like to cuddle so once you form a strong bond with them, they'll sit on your lap or shoulder and boggle away. Of course this isn't the case for all male rats but could have something to do with your situation if it is the case with your boys.
Thirdly, the environment your rats lived in before you got them can play a part in how long they take to trust and form a bond with you. For instance, if you got a pair of rats from a reputable breeder who bred for temperament and handled the rats every day since birth, it may seem easier to form a bond with them over two rats who were bred in a warehouse and never handled until you came along. I don't know where your rats came from but if they did come from different places, even different breeders, this could play a part in it.
Finally, some rats prefer to love you from a distance, within my seven i have lap rats, shoulder rats and rats that would prefer to wander and explore and only check back with me every so often while free ranging. I must admit i sometimes feel a stronger connection with the rats that prefer to cuddle me or engage in play with me but i respect that they're all just a little different and i have to embrace that.

Oh and also, i don't know how long you've had your boys but some rats can take longer to warm to you than others and visa versa, i like to use Rat Daddys Immersion training now as soon as new rats join my family because then i form a bond with all new rats straight away and establish everyone's places.

Hope this helped. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
368 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Yes it helped, thank you! I guess it's just something I needed to put out there.

But you're right, I still do miss the girls. I probably should have mentioned this, but they passed around a year ago. So I've had my boys around 9 months now. And I think it is because they have different ways of showing affection. The girls were very obvious with it, would follow me around, sleep on my lap every chance they got, play chase, groom, heck they would even bring food from their cage to eat by me. While I know the boys are comfortable with me, and like me, they are less demonstrative in their affection. I know I can't fault them for that. But maybe it was just that I got real lucky right away and my relationship with the girls was super special..."heart rats" as I've heard people use around here. I probably just need to learn to adjust my thinking, even though I do love these guys very much. Thank you for listening though!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
953 Posts
I think what you are feeling can be totally normal and nothing to fret over. If you love them and care for them, in time the bond will most likely grow. If it doesn't, sometimes this happens with humans and their pets, again, as long as it doesn't interfere with their quality of life, this may make you a little blue-but try not to let it. Rats, I consider more like dogs, ferrets and other interactive pets, they like them and us all have unique personalities. (not to say other animals don't, but we are going to notice it far more with a pet that interacts with us so much)

With that said, over the years I've had 4 dogs, not counting our little tribe of 12 babies rats, probably about 15 rats, 2 birds, 2 skunks and many many ferrets. I would say the majority we bonded with. but some it just wasn't meant to be. When I had my skunks, they came from a person who had kept them in a cage outside and they learned to be very wary of humans. When I received them they were 2 years old. Flower never completely trusted us and would startle very easily. Eliot protected her and treated us like we were the enemy and would occasionally bite. Flower at around 4-5 got cardiomyopathy and we lost her only a few months later. Elliot became depressed for several weeks doing little more than sleep. My husband and I did everything we could not to stress him and make him feel not alone. When he snapped out of it he went from a defensive angry boy to the most loving animal I've ever had. We build a staircase to our bed, he slept between us, or sometimes on my chest. He gave lip kisses and would even wrap his little legs around my neck and hug so very tight. He followed me everywhere I went laying on feet where ever I was standing. Not only did he become the love of my life, he decided all humans were awesome and greeted all that came to my house. (usually trying to rifle through purses and pockets for any treats they may have) Average life span of 7 to 8 years for a skunk, we got lucky and he made it to 11 years old before we lost him. It's been about 5 years now and I will always mourn for him. I think of Flower often, wondering if there was something I could of done different to ease her life of fearfulness.

The point of my long winded story is-you just never know when the love of your life may show up. It may be some furry in your house that you believe will never come to even trust you, much love adore you and you them. Give them the best life you can, and let things progress naturally.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
368 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
Thanks for sharing your story, I always love hearing about others' experiences with their animals. Sounds like you've had quite a few special bonds with your pets. On a side note, It's awesome that you got to spend 11 years with Elliot. A great experience I'm sure! I think I'm still grieving them, it still feels so fresh despite it happening a year ago. You're right though, relationships do change and transform. But my current boys aren't lacking for anything that's for sure! And they are each special in their own ways.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top