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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I got my first rats in September and at first my boyfriend seemed to like them, but as time has progressed he's began to dislike them. He's gotten to the point that he wants me to rehome them. He says he feels like all my time goes to them and that I always want to go do things with the rats or for the rats.

Has anyone else experienced this?? If so advice would be appreciated.
 

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It sounds like you boyfriend is a bit jealous/insecure. Try making sometime specifically for him each day so he doesn't feel neglected. But IMHO if this is about control over your time be very careful.
 

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Personally I think it's unreasonable that he would want the rats gone when they obviously make you happy. You should sit down with him and let him know that you love your rats and they're staying. I think sometimes you just have to put your foot down, especially when you've taken living animals into your home and their best interest into your hands.

Hope everything works out
 

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I would want the boyfriend gone if it was me. It is important that my loved ones get along. Either they tolerate one another or they cherish one another but I won't do it if they hate one another. And sense animals I care for are a lifetime commitment it's the human who best get going.
 

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I don't think he is anti-rat per se, he feels like you should focus more on him. I might pay attention to a plea like that if he is the kind of boyfriend who cooks meals for you, asks you about you day and remembers what you say, and is generally considerate and thinking about your wellbeing. But I am going to go out on a limb and guess that a guy like that would never ask you to give away your pets. So....
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
He's kind to me and he makes me happy. If he was mean or abusive or anything I would've dumped him long ago. We are both so stressed out right now and have been letting our emotions get the best of us. He's not a bad guy, he just feels like the rats take up all my time, and they really do, especially lately.
 

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You need to make time with him a priority. My husband likes the rats and other critters, but not as much as I do. I make it a point to spend time with the rats when he is doing other things. Especially if I am going to spend a LOT of time with the critters, like doing deep cleaning, etc. If I feel like it will take a long time, then I do it when he is not around or is doing other things. Spend time with your rats, but make time for him... Your partner should not feel like they're "playing second fiddle" to your pets. Does your boyfriend have a hobby or something he does by himself or with people other than you? If so, do your heavy cleaning or intense rat time then.

You need to have a conversation about it with him and let him know how important they are to you, but that you are willing to work out what time you spend with them vs. him. He needs to feel like his opinion is important and that you value time with him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Another thing he's not happy about is that I want to get a new cage (probably the rat manor) because our current cage is one he and I built and he complains that it is "the only thing we have in common". It's 16"x16"x24", and hard to clean. I want him to like the rats, or at least not hate them. :(
 

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If he thinks the cage is the only thing you have in common then maybe you need to talk to him about more than just the rats. I guess you could keep the cage you made together as a temporary or backup cage if he's upset by the idea of it being thrown away though.
 

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It could be a guy thing, we tend to invest ourselves in our accomplishments... And yes, I've done heroic repairs on old cars that I could have replaced more cheaply because I already had so much work into it. It might just be time to build a bigger cage together... Sometimes when you get rid of something a guy built or gave you or owns and is invested in, he feels rejected.... Oddly that's just how we are. Love our stuff and love us... Reject our stuff and you are pushing us away.

A little like you feel when he suggests rehoming your rats. Now if they were also his rats things might be different.

Pets can bring people together not just pull them apart.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
We went to get the rats together and he keeps them sometimes, too. I want him to feel like they are his also.
 

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Can you get him more involved in the rat care? Perhaps if he was more hands on and felt that he was partaking in their upbringing he would feel a little different. Little things like say...hon I got to clean the cage can you hang out with the babies while you are watching tv, gaming, whatever? Give a choice-do you want to do the clean up and I'll hang out or do you want to?

My husband loves the rats, but he's not as obsessive as I am..it's always been this way with animals though. Luckily he has hobbies of his own and never takes offense to what mine are. Which brings up, does he have hobbies that he enjoys without you? Does he draw, sew, metal detect, collect something...anything like that? We are both avid gamers and then I love critters, I go in and out of other hobbies-clay, cooking, gardening ect. He has a ton of hobbies as well-he tattoo's, does artwork, collects coins ect. It makes the relationship balanced. We love to do things together, but we have plenty of things to do that don't rely on the other.

Now my ex husband, which gives me a bad taste when I see messages like this, because he was jealous of the animals. Now when I look back on it..I think what a weirdo. Why would you be jealous? I was not jealous of his thing for computers, why would animals be different in that way? I consider it rather selfish.
 

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I agree with Nanashi. Pets are a lifelong commitment and since I already love animals over humans I'd kick him to the curb. This is just opinion though, not my advice.
 

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Ask on the rat forum and ask on the boyfriend forum, the answers are probably going to be different. Role conflict is tough. Do your rats complain about your boyfriend?
 
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