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The Context: I've been nursing my boy, Remus, since Saturday, Feb 6th, when he uncharacteristically crawled into a t-shirt on my lap and went to sleep. (He's getting Baytril, hand-feeding Pedialyte/water, apple sauce, green peas, and mushy Regal Rat.) I've been up every one to two hours, and not that it truly bothers me - I raise orphans and babysit infants - but I'm exhausted. He's 2.5 and over the past couple of months has blown up like a balloon without any change in diet or exercise. (He's been eating Oxbow since he was a pup.) I started to feel lumps once he past 18 mos, so I think he's got tumors rolling around in there, which contribute to the size. His abdomen is pretty firm now, which makes me think it's not fat.
I'm also now unemployed thanks to a fractured ankle. (The winter of 15/16 has not been kind.) And to the tune of $10k in personal medical expenses, I'm not exactly in a great situation.
(I'll post the in-depth details below the next paragraph, in case you want to skip the wall of text.)
The Dilemma: I'm debating euthanasia while being 100% exhausted and, quite honestly, on the verge of a third emotional breakdown in as many days. There's no one else who's going to help actually care for him. The whole "Quality of Life Scale" has become useless - I've read it no less then ten times. I can't come to a conclusion. His attitude is amazing. He genuinely seems to like hanging out here in his low sided box on my bed, and he actively seeks out attention from me and, sadly, his former cagemates. Just when he's slept too long for my comfort or not drank much, he wakes up and starts puttering across my bed and poking his head over the box wall for food/water/pets.
So...
The Good: He's improved dramatically from Saturday night. His eyes are completely clear; he's back to eating; his nose is a little crusty, but he and his brothers have struggled with URIs their entire lives; and he (in the afternoon and early mornings) shows a genuine and unbridled interest in food/water mix and attention. He's even back to eating some crunchy foods. There's no real sounds accompanying his breathing besides an occasional, almost silent, popping, and he bruxes and boggles none stop. He drinks 1-2.5 ml an hour in addition to some apple sauce. (All of his food has water added to it, including the peas.) His skin is quite elastic (hydrated), and he seems very content when gently massaged. (Starting at the head, moving to the tail.) Bowel movements are a little sparse, but normal, and while he has a bit of the runs, he's also switched almost immediately to a high liquid diet.
The Bad: His breathing makes his entire body move. And almost always, especially while sleeping, his mouth is wide open. I don't know if Myco is back for a flare up or if their are tumors in his abdomen pushing against his lungs, but it's almost a heaving motion. (GIFs attached. The instability is not a result of frame rates.) He either can't or won't move more than a few inches to change positions in his box. I think he just gets so tired from trying to go anywhere. I stopped petting him before he actually went to sleep, and he tried chasing me. He got to the edge of his box (a tray, really), and couldn't (wouldn't?) make it over the half-inch lip. He also has difficulty cleaning his rear. Not that I mind wiping butts, and he's chosen a specific corner in true rat fashion. I'm with him more or less 24/7, so it's not like he's stuck alone in a mess. Also, he sleeps almost all the time. Maybe I never noticed how much rats sleep, or maybe I'm just over thinking it, but he's either sleeping or zoned out 75% of the time. And his eyes are almost always cracked open - I can tell he's out though because sometimes I'll accidentally surprise him with the water syringe. (I tried leaving him in the hammock near the water bottle once he started moving around, and two hours later, nothing. I intervened at hour three with some flavored water and he took 2 ml of it then and there. Maybe he's holding out?)
The Ugly: I have a zoo of these squeakers, plus two dogs and a cat. (I used to have multiple incomes with decent pay.) They all need food and vaccines. (The only reason the squeaks get their "fresh" foods (and someone is bound to lose their **** over this) is because I get food assistance and cut out a portion of it for their veggies. I'm also lucky enough to get the day-old left overs from our grocery.) Remus also has two biological brothers who I think will be joining him soon in hospice. Romulus is losing his back leg function, and Adolphus has dropped so much weight and started sneezing again. I want to be able to give them both and, when the time comes, their two cagemates the same level of care. Speaking of cagemates, they all seem to ignore Remus when I put him in his main cage, only stopping to lick any leftover food from his chin. He tries to follow them and gets left behind. They wouldn't let him in the hut. (From my experience, it's bad news when the others of the same species leave.) And like I said, I'm in over my head in bills. My mother is buying the food, and I've applied for CareCredit three times. My vet has been gracious enough to let me charge my account, but who knows how long that will last. (Not that I want to find out.) He's also 2.5, so if he miraculously recovers, am I buying him another (precious) week? A month? Six months or a year?
The Fear: I don't want to make him suffer. We're going back for what may well be the last vet trip (either because I'll run out of money, or because the worst has happened) on Saturday around 1p, and not that I absolutely have to make a decision by then, but I don't know how much longer I can keep charging my account/borrowing from my mother (who hates them and continually wants to know why I didn't just feed Rem to the cat and get it over with). The last two boys I had adopted were older than I thought, and their Myco took over and wiped them each out over a twelve hour period. The first (Rasco) died before the vet opened, and the second (Lexi) was so far gone that his only response to me/the vet was blindly pushing your finger/syringe away. I went in with Lexi to tell the vet to euthanize him - there was no doubt. He hated being held or coddled and even when he wasn't deathly ill, getting him to take Baytril was a blood sport. He would have been stressed and miserable. Regardless, they were both a rasping, writhing mess when they died; I don't want Rem to have to deal with that. Honestly, I was ready to put Remus to sleep when I walked into my vet on Sunday, but he convinced me otherwise. And just when I reach the conclusion that euthanasia is the best option for Saturday, he starts crawling to bask in the window or picking at his feeding syringe for applesauce and Gatorade, and I just don't know.
It doesn't seem right to pull him back from the brink only to send him off a week or two later, both in moral/ethical/emotional standards and financially. Maybe I should have just let him go on Sunday...
I would play it by ear - as I am right now - but my main fear is that we'll go to sleep one, two, three weeks from now and I'll wake up in the middle of the night to him rasping and suffocating like Rasco and Lex. There aren't really any e-vet's near me, and waking our normal vet at 3AM for a small animal euth would cost me my arm and newly repaired leg. (Probably my car, as well.) I don't have the tools - or the experience - to do an in-home euthanasia, and to be frank, it's terrifying.
I considered stocking on CO2 (or the supplies for it), but I read if you do it wrong, it'll burn their eyes and make them feel like their suffocating, not just going to sleep.
I just don't know anymore. I apologize for the length. I guess this ended up turning into my public thought train, but I would really appreciate the input of someone who hasn't raised this pup or just spent three to four days awake and fending off family members who think rats are aweful vermin. I'm too tired to have a logical thought, and it's Baytril time anyway.
I'm also now unemployed thanks to a fractured ankle. (The winter of 15/16 has not been kind.) And to the tune of $10k in personal medical expenses, I'm not exactly in a great situation.
(I'll post the in-depth details below the next paragraph, in case you want to skip the wall of text.)
The Dilemma: I'm debating euthanasia while being 100% exhausted and, quite honestly, on the verge of a third emotional breakdown in as many days. There's no one else who's going to help actually care for him. The whole "Quality of Life Scale" has become useless - I've read it no less then ten times. I can't come to a conclusion. His attitude is amazing. He genuinely seems to like hanging out here in his low sided box on my bed, and he actively seeks out attention from me and, sadly, his former cagemates. Just when he's slept too long for my comfort or not drank much, he wakes up and starts puttering across my bed and poking his head over the box wall for food/water/pets.
So...
The Good: He's improved dramatically from Saturday night. His eyes are completely clear; he's back to eating; his nose is a little crusty, but he and his brothers have struggled with URIs their entire lives; and he (in the afternoon and early mornings) shows a genuine and unbridled interest in food/water mix and attention. He's even back to eating some crunchy foods. There's no real sounds accompanying his breathing besides an occasional, almost silent, popping, and he bruxes and boggles none stop. He drinks 1-2.5 ml an hour in addition to some apple sauce. (All of his food has water added to it, including the peas.) His skin is quite elastic (hydrated), and he seems very content when gently massaged. (Starting at the head, moving to the tail.) Bowel movements are a little sparse, but normal, and while he has a bit of the runs, he's also switched almost immediately to a high liquid diet.
The Bad: His breathing makes his entire body move. And almost always, especially while sleeping, his mouth is wide open. I don't know if Myco is back for a flare up or if their are tumors in his abdomen pushing against his lungs, but it's almost a heaving motion. (GIFs attached. The instability is not a result of frame rates.) He either can't or won't move more than a few inches to change positions in his box. I think he just gets so tired from trying to go anywhere. I stopped petting him before he actually went to sleep, and he tried chasing me. He got to the edge of his box (a tray, really), and couldn't (wouldn't?) make it over the half-inch lip. He also has difficulty cleaning his rear. Not that I mind wiping butts, and he's chosen a specific corner in true rat fashion. I'm with him more or less 24/7, so it's not like he's stuck alone in a mess. Also, he sleeps almost all the time. Maybe I never noticed how much rats sleep, or maybe I'm just over thinking it, but he's either sleeping or zoned out 75% of the time. And his eyes are almost always cracked open - I can tell he's out though because sometimes I'll accidentally surprise him with the water syringe. (I tried leaving him in the hammock near the water bottle once he started moving around, and two hours later, nothing. I intervened at hour three with some flavored water and he took 2 ml of it then and there. Maybe he's holding out?)
The Ugly: I have a zoo of these squeakers, plus two dogs and a cat. (I used to have multiple incomes with decent pay.) They all need food and vaccines. (The only reason the squeaks get their "fresh" foods (and someone is bound to lose their **** over this) is because I get food assistance and cut out a portion of it for their veggies. I'm also lucky enough to get the day-old left overs from our grocery.) Remus also has two biological brothers who I think will be joining him soon in hospice. Romulus is losing his back leg function, and Adolphus has dropped so much weight and started sneezing again. I want to be able to give them both and, when the time comes, their two cagemates the same level of care. Speaking of cagemates, they all seem to ignore Remus when I put him in his main cage, only stopping to lick any leftover food from his chin. He tries to follow them and gets left behind. They wouldn't let him in the hut. (From my experience, it's bad news when the others of the same species leave.) And like I said, I'm in over my head in bills. My mother is buying the food, and I've applied for CareCredit three times. My vet has been gracious enough to let me charge my account, but who knows how long that will last. (Not that I want to find out.) He's also 2.5, so if he miraculously recovers, am I buying him another (precious) week? A month? Six months or a year?
The Fear: I don't want to make him suffer. We're going back for what may well be the last vet trip (either because I'll run out of money, or because the worst has happened) on Saturday around 1p, and not that I absolutely have to make a decision by then, but I don't know how much longer I can keep charging my account/borrowing from my mother (who hates them and continually wants to know why I didn't just feed Rem to the cat and get it over with). The last two boys I had adopted were older than I thought, and their Myco took over and wiped them each out over a twelve hour period. The first (Rasco) died before the vet opened, and the second (Lexi) was so far gone that his only response to me/the vet was blindly pushing your finger/syringe away. I went in with Lexi to tell the vet to euthanize him - there was no doubt. He hated being held or coddled and even when he wasn't deathly ill, getting him to take Baytril was a blood sport. He would have been stressed and miserable. Regardless, they were both a rasping, writhing mess when they died; I don't want Rem to have to deal with that. Honestly, I was ready to put Remus to sleep when I walked into my vet on Sunday, but he convinced me otherwise. And just when I reach the conclusion that euthanasia is the best option for Saturday, he starts crawling to bask in the window or picking at his feeding syringe for applesauce and Gatorade, and I just don't know.
It doesn't seem right to pull him back from the brink only to send him off a week or two later, both in moral/ethical/emotional standards and financially. Maybe I should have just let him go on Sunday...
I would play it by ear - as I am right now - but my main fear is that we'll go to sleep one, two, three weeks from now and I'll wake up in the middle of the night to him rasping and suffocating like Rasco and Lex. There aren't really any e-vet's near me, and waking our normal vet at 3AM for a small animal euth would cost me my arm and newly repaired leg. (Probably my car, as well.) I don't have the tools - or the experience - to do an in-home euthanasia, and to be frank, it's terrifying.
I considered stocking on CO2 (or the supplies for it), but I read if you do it wrong, it'll burn their eyes and make them feel like their suffocating, not just going to sleep.
I just don't know anymore. I apologize for the length. I guess this ended up turning into my public thought train, but I would really appreciate the input of someone who hasn't raised this pup or just spent three to four days awake and fending off family members who think rats are aweful vermin. I'm too tired to have a logical thought, and it's Baytril time anyway.
