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Taken from the Dapper Rat - too funny not to share.

• Automatic Avocado dispenser.
• Self-cleaning, automatically expandable rat cages.
• Odor-eaters cage bottom pads.
• "Clapper" rattie play harness. For when they are determined to play hide & seek ... clap your hands, and listen for the beep!
• Pampers Hammocks. Absorbs moisture, keeps rats dry!
• Ratty fur dye to make us look like nimbus so then we can sneak over to Robyn's and live with her.
• Martin's Electromagnetic Mind Control Litter Training kit. Comes with a litterbox attached to a full ledge, insertable into any Martin's cage.
• A Martins self assembling, self cleaning, Missy Ruud model cage.
• Itty-bitty toenail clippers. (All my rats saw this and yelled:"Nooooooo!")
• Depends hammock liners.
• MarkNoMore. An anatomically designed chamois that fits snugly over rat testicles and automatically wipes up scent mark pee as soon as it's dribbled.
• Hedgewood. A dinner plate with a built-in battery-operated force field that discourages rats from stealing your food.
• RatProof BandAid. A wound dressing infused with the scent of baytril so as to deter rats from ripping it off your sensitive flesh.
• Workout Wodent Wheel. A wheel that spins constantly powered by battery, so that even the laziest squish can't just sleep in it, but is forced to exercise.
• Rat Socks. Prevents cold sharp ratty feet from tearing up your skin during winter.
• Taileotard. An ultra abosorbant tail stocking with dual action. It's a dribble wiper and tail protector that keeps your ratties tail sparkling clean. No more pee trails or nasty dirty tails in the face...comes in vanilla and corn chip scent.
• MedMerizer. A small devise that easily fits on any med syringe that hypnotises ratties into being co operative angels. Mmmmm... baytril... Mmmm... tastes like yoggies! No more struggles! No more mess! No more wearing more antibiotics than you get into your rat!
• MycoBeGone. A yoggie like treat that instantly relieves all symptoms and signs of myco! Give your rattie one drop and watch all the gasping, wheezing and precolating instantly dissapear! Available in Awsome Avocado and Chewy Chocolate. MycoBeGone... for your peace of mind!
• Compound T. Just apply a few drops daily of this tumour shrinking liquid on your rattie's tumour and watch the tumours fade away into just a memory!! Stop paying for your vet's trips to Hawaii... easy, affordable and non invasive!
• Electrolux Litter Sifter.
• Wahl's Ultrasonic Rat Nail Trimmer.
• Clairol Rat Coat Color Chart. Dye Your Hair To Match Your Rat!
• Smith & Hawkins's Rat Raisin Composter Bin, "From Nature To Nature".
• Hanes Tooth-Proof Underwear.
• Merlins Magic Myco-Free-Forever Paste. Comes in two fun flavours: Avocado or Yoggie drop. One small taste and your rattie is forever free of pesky respitory sneezing angst. NO MYCO EVER! Fully Guaranteed for the life of your rat.
• Kellogg's Corn 'n' Avocado Flakes.
• Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Blocks.
• Kleenex Brand Empty Boxes.
• Band-Aid Bitter Apple Flavored Bandages.
• Doxyicecream.
• Pamper's Mini-Diapers with Tail Opening.
• Oxbow-Hay Spaghetti Chow.
• Robyn's Cast Iron Hammocks.
• Ronco Blue Dumbo Clone-A-Rat Home Kit (genetic material included).
• Dell DrainEasy(tm) Keyboard. Allows small rodent urine to pass easily through the keys and into a resevoir! Easy to clean, smell-less construction! Prevent fussy, sticky keys due to excess rat pee. Also collects other liquid products.
• No More Chew. A harmless product which repels ratties searching for carpet and walls to chew.
• Eau de Doe. Bottled escence of girl on heat for getting boys out of hidey spots or pouring on clothes for a cuddle during powering sniffing.
• Healthy commercial ratfood. How hard could it be?!
• Hair Rat or Hair Mouse. For that Rex-like bad hair day
• Bucks Fizz. A quick acting aspirin for removing stress caused by studly buck dominance scuffles.
• Ratman merchandise. Thats Right!! The Capped Crusader and his Agouti Sidekick is once again STORMING onto our shelves to SAVE us from NEFARIOUS FIENDS such as The Intolerodent, the Big Bad Realtor, and Depressia !!!
• First Alert Choke Alarm.
• Estee Lauder Rat Scratch Cover-up.
• Pez Corn Dispenser.
• Old Navy Cargo Tail Wraps.
• Hoover Raisin-Vac.
• NEVER DIE Spray Starch. One quick spritz of this all natural, clean-smelling, vitamin/mineral enriched, compound and your rat lives forever, in perfect health. Ban the 2.5 - 3 year life span, with NEVER DIE you rat never dies. And his coat looks nice too.
• New! From Random House Publishing: RAT INTROS: EASY AND GUARANTEED!
• Martin's Self Kleening Cage.
• Totes Third Shoulder.
• Chiquita Banana Blox.
• Kiwi Bitter Apple Shoe Polish.
• Hoover Wind Tunnel Vaccuum with Turd Finder.
• RAT by Ralph Lauren. For him: smells like a warm taco. For her: smells like grape soda.
• Hercules Morning-After Pill pour Rats (Now we can finally get the girls and guys together!)
• Farberware 6-Strand Spaghetti Cooker.
• The Debbie D Clone.....a must for every Vet. surgery! Comes with her own clientele.
• Yates regenerating Avocado.........permanently ripe...never runs out.
• Coleman Self-Cleaning Rat Camper keeps your rats safe from insects, predatory birds, wild animals, and overly hot days. Just plug it into your car's cigarette lighter and your rats will have the ultimate climate controlled cage away from cage. Never again fear travel rejection from hotels and motels. Move the entire family across country safely! Assures that rats are welcome at State Parks, National Parks, and KOA campgrounds nationwide.
• NEW! "Pampers" Pull-ups now in Rat for 1-6 months, available in "Dumbo" and "Jumbo!".
• "Furomatherapy" presents "Rat." Drift away from the stressful outside world with this relaxing yet clarifying scent. Available in Grape, Raisin and Taco. *Coming Soon* "Rat" Eau de Toilet in a unique, furry, automatic dispenser--a few drops in just the right place! Everytime!
• Ratproof Furniture! Fuzz-E-Boy launches its new chew-proof line of fine titanium home furnishings.
• "Testoster-gone!" That's right! Now you too can be free of hormonal harangues, alpha antagonism, teenage terror, adolescent animosity, and rat rages with this fantastic product. Our scientists have worked hard preparing an exceptionally delicious one-time treatment for your ranting rodent! Now available in a new easy to give dose! Just throw it at him! No more bites, scratches, gouges, expensive veterinary appointments or lengthy waits in hospital emergency rooms for painful rodentectomys. Get rid of that "adol-e-scent adol-essence" today! Call your vet right now or use our toll free number: 1-800 YOUR GOOLIES ARE NEXT (ask for Ms. Backofrat)
• Scotch Mark-Guard. Spray your carpet, your sofa, yourself! Rat piss beads right up!
• Johnson & Johnson Bruxing Dentures - Let you brux back at your rats without weraing down your permanent teeth.
• Perego Pinky Pram. Choose the 9, 11 or 17 baby model.
• First Alert Ratters Mace. Spray any moron who utters the phrase, "Eeeuw! I hate the tail!".
• Libby Beer Mugs with Tail Guard.
• Peanut Butter Weetabix.
• Cadbury Chocolate Baytril Bar.
• Fodors Rat Translator.
• Maidenform 3-Cup Bra.
• Hanes Pre-chewed T-shirts.
• Latest hit single from The Rat Guys: "Walk Like A Cowboy".
• The Verminator - At the push of a remote control button your human is instantly on ground level, on all fours, ready to groom, provide.
warmth or comfort, play tag, wrestle, ruffle, etc as needed. They can be tailless, they can be bald - we're OK with that... but they should come pre-marked so as to not seem like an intruder.
 
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